


Recovery

by secondbutton



Series: Quinn Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 05:57:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2840576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secondbutton/pseuds/secondbutton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There is no Shepard without Vakarian," she had told him. Lying in her bed, full of despair and the overwhelming feeling of being alone, he knew that there was no Vakarian without Shepard either. </p><p>Destroy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Recovery

**Author's Note:**

> I finished Mass Effect 3 for the first time earlier today. I have a lot of feelings about the ending. This is how I'm getting closure.

If anyone noticed that Garrus had all but locked himself in Shepard's cabin, they didn't mention it.

Garrus couldn't stand to interact with the rest of the Normandy while the crew rejoiced their almost inconceivable victory over the Reapers. A shroud of desolation followed him and it tainted an otherwise satisfying end to the war. He knew that the crew felt the loss of their commander sharply, especially those that had been with Shepard from the start. But he couldn't stand to be around them right now, didn't want to see the agony in their faces or the sympathy in their eyes. He paced restlessly, endlessly, in her cabin, the slow gliding of the fish in their tank an unexpected source of frustration— _Why should they get to live and not Shepard?_

He shook his head. He couldn't think like that. He couldn't give up hope. This was what Shepard did. She rose up amidst all the destruction with a pained smile and an, "Alright there, soldier?" before asking for any help for herself.

As they were leaving the Sol System, Hackett recounted his final conversation with Shepard, right before the Crucible fired. He mentioned that she sounded pained, but whatever she did had been enough to activate the Crucible. It had to be enough to keep her alive.

Still, Garrus knew that he would need more than speculation to rid him of his restlessness. He had already known what it was like to lose Shepard, and somehow the not knowing was worse. He needed to know, needed to see, needed to hold her body in his arms before he could address the storm of emotions—worry, hurt, desperation, guilt—bottled up inside him. His eyes roamed around the room and its spartan furnishings, his eyes lingering on the few touches of personalization. The wall of model ships was almost full, a replica of the turian frigate he had served on placed prominently amongst the other models. He had painstakingly put it together himself, not realizing before he bought it that constructing model ships required more dexterity than his three fingers allowed. Still, he had managed it, and the look of glee on her face when he gave it to her during their first night together was more than worth it.

During the night ceased his pacing and lied on his side of the bed, pressed his face against her pillow, and let her scent crowd his senses. He was careful not to hold on to it too long, for fear that he would drown her smell with his. He stared at the picture she had on her nightstand of the two of them, taken by Vega during their 'first date' tango. Her leg was hooked around one of his, their hips flushed together, a challenging smirk on his face mirrored by one of her own.

Before falling asleep he stared up at the stars, replaying their last few conversations with each other. He distracted himself by thinking of which planets had the type of tropical island they would want to claim as their home, and was it actually possible to have a turian-human baby? He asked the stars whether or not heaven actually existed but they were steadfast in their silence.

_'Shepard, if you're up there, wait for me. I still owe you a drink.'_

"There is no Shepard without Vakarian," she had told him. Lying in her bed, full of despair and the overwhelming feeling of being alone, he knew that there was no Vakarian without Shepard either.

 

\----

 

Garrus' seclusion lasted all of two days before insistent knocks pounded at the door. He debated ignoring them, but he knew that whoever was on the other side would likely not give up until he responded. The opened door revealed Liara and Tali. The quarian had food in her hands and his forgotten stomach grumbled, alerting him to the fact that he hadn't eaten anything besides ration bars since leaving Earth.

"Garrus—" Liara began.

He held up a hand to interrupt her. "I'm okay."

"No you're not," Tali interjected. "And you don't have to pretend to be. Not around us."

He nodded his assent and Tali extended the dish in her hands toward him. He set it down on the coffee table and began to eat. The three of them sat in silence during his meal, not needing to fill the room with meaningless platitudes. They all bore the weight of the same weariness, frustrated with thoughts of what else they could have done to ensure Shepard's presence on the Normandy.

After finishing his last bite, it was Garrus who broke the silence. "Any news?"

Liara shook her head. "I've been keeping track of any promising information. Joker has maintained constant contact with Admiral Hackett. They are searching the London and the Citadel for Shepard's body."

"Keelah, Liara, don't say it like that!"

Liara quickly noticed her slip, shaking her head before cradling it in her hands. "I'm sorry, I just—"

"Feel hopeless, I know." Garrus supplied.

Tali sighed, the sound carrying more emotion than expected from a tinny voice box. "Shepard wouldn't want us to mope. Can we talk about happier things?"

Garrus nodded. "I remember the first time I ever saw Shepard dance..."

Liara was in the middle of recounting a story, the mood somewhat lightened among the trio, when EDI's voice resounded in the room.

"They have found her."

 

\----

 

The first thing that Quinn Shepard felt when she awoke was the press of a hand on her elbow.

She opened her eyes to unfamiliar surroundings and it took a few seconds to realize that she was in a makeshift hospital of some sorts, and that Garrus was asleep next to her bed. He sat in a chair to her right, his arms acting as a pillow. Her first instinct was to reach out and run her hand along the top of his head, but then she realized that she had no idea how she got here.

She tried to recall where she was before this but found that she couldn't. What had happened?

Slowly, she realized that to her left was a nurse that was trying to get her attention. He turned her head toward the nurse.

"Commander?" He repeated. "Commander?"

She opened her mouth to respond, but to her right she felt Garrus stirring. She turned her head to face him instead, watched his eyes open and the unbridled look of shock and relief flood his face as he realized that she was awake.

"Quinn." He breathed, his tone reverent.

To her left the nurse was asking her questions, "Commander, do you know your name?"

She turned back to the nurse. "M-my... name?"

The nurse nodded encouragingly.

"Quinn Shepard." She spoke slowly, deliberately. Her tongue felt sluggish, like she was learning to form words of a language she was just starting to learn. "Alliance Navy." The last two words came out unbidden, bred through years of habit.

The nurse smiled at that. "Welcome back, Commander Shepard."

Shepard couldn't do more than nod slightly. She was so tired. Her eyes were heavy and she let them close, registering the squeeze of Garrus' three-fingered hand before she succumbed to sleep.

TBC

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure you all noticed that EDI is still functioning. I couldn't bear the thought of EDI perishing along with the Reapers (or the geth either, really) so somehow in this universe all the synthetics minus the Reapers survived the war. Maybe eventually I'll come up with some way to loophole this aspect of the canon ending, maybe not. For now, it just is.


End file.
